Technically, the short answer is—yes. But let’s add a huge caveat to that: It’s much harder to do a search with this limited bit of information.

Having only a birthdate in your knowledge bank, pre-search, poses a disadvantage for the searcher. With such limited information, your search may take longer. The “pre-search research” you’ll have to do will be intense—all just to be able to get to the point of entering the information you know into a reunion registry or database and then clicking “Find” to see what matches pop up.

Basically, the more information you have, the better. And maybe it can even shorten your time to discovering the identity of your birth parents (but don’t quote me on that; every search is different).

There are reunion registries that need only basic information—but even they need more information than just your birthdate.

• Who are you trying to find? (Birth parents, my adopted child, a sibling, a family member)
• Which best describes you? (I am the adopted person, I am searching on behalf of an adopted person)
• Indicate the birth year of the adopted person.
• Indicate the birth month of the adopted person.
• Indicate the birth date of the adopted person.
• In what country did the adoption take place?
• In which state did the adoption take place?
• When did the adoption take place? (Not sure, within a year of birth, more than a year after birth)
• Since the time of adoption, have you been in contact? (Yes, no, not sure)

Registries that are run by government agencies and individual U.S. states typically need more information than your birthdate—and much more information than the nine questions listed above.

For example, in their fact sheet titled Searching for Birth Relatives, the Child Welfare Information Gateway (part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) advises searchers to take a series of steps before even engaging in a formal search—steps like assembling known information, researching state laws, and tracking down missing documents. Registries and search agents vary in terms of what they need from you, but, common to most searches are steps like tracking down “known information,” researching relevant state laws, registering with reunion registries, obtaining missing documents, filing court petitions, and ensuring emotional preparedness on the part of all parties (is everyone mentally ready for a possible reunion down the road?).

But what if you run into dead ends trying to track down the missing information? What if you can’t fill in all those answers on the very first search form of a reunion registry—even basic questions like “what state”? What if you fill out the entire search form, but you can’t fill out one question, and so the site won’t let you hit “Find”? What if the entire reason you’re searching is to find answers that you don’t yet have, answers that can’t be provided until you provide, well, more information? Information that, well, you just don’t have. Information that you have to spend time navigating state and national government agencies to obtain, and that certain state laws (e.g., some states still will not unseal adoption records due to closed-adoption laws) may still prohibit you from getting.

Sorry to cite an overused expression here, but, it’s the proverbial “what-comes-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg” dilemma.

So, if all you have is a birthdate, how can you find your birth parents? The answer lies in two powerful methods that have become extremely popular and quite reliable: social media and DNA tests/registries such as those done by Ancestry, 23AndMe, and FamilyTree DNA (to name just a few—there are many others, so, do your homework). These sources are excellent ways to search for birth parents.

Social Media

If the only information you have is your birthdate, then using social media as your go-to for finding a birth parent is highly recommended. In fact, the birthdate is #1 among the top three key pieces of information that every searcher needs in order to start their search, with #2 being the sex of the adoptees, # 3 being location.

There are a whole host of Facebook pages dedicated to adoption searches and reunions as well as adoption support. Do a search on Facebook and identify a few sites to explore. Scroll through their posts. Read the activity and results. Check out how many followers they have (that is key—the more reach your post gets, the better). Check their content and the frequency of postings. Do they seem to be active and engaged? How responsive are they to posters’ questions? Are they getting some real results? If you like what you see, join and like their Facebook pages. And when you’re ready, post a photo of yourself with your known information. Keep the text of your post short and filled with facts: “Seeking my birth parents. I was born at Mercy Hospital in Pleasantville, Idaho, on November 5, 1978. Adopted by John and Jane Doe of Brooklyn, NY. Contact jane_doe@domain.org.” Don’t post the same photo too often, or Facebook will identify you as a possible spammer and block you from being able to post anything else for a period of time. Putting your contact info ON the photo (e.g., taking a picture of the adoptee holding a sign with all the key info on it) is an important detail not to be overlooked.

Here are just a few Facebook adoption search and reunion pages that have a healthy number of followers and that are active daily and even hourly:

• Find My Family (“helping all adoptees and their birth family members—including birth mother, birth father, and birth siblings—locate each other and reunite through a free mutual consent search process”)
• G’s Adoption Registry (“helping people reconnect to find answers, family and medical history, and hopefully peace”)
• Searching for Adoptees (don’t let the name fool you; this site, “created to reunite families separated by adoption,” is for searchers who are both adoptees and birth parents)
• Adoptees Reunited (hosted by Adoption.com at http://registry.adoption.com/)

For some great tips, check out this article from our very own Lita Jordan on finding your birth parents and using social media to do it.

There’s yet another (sometimes unrealized) advantage of using social media to find your birth parents: It’s possible that you may end up connecting with people in your same situation (especially in the case of social media) who perhaps have had more experience in doing this, and they can share with you what they have learned, tips to avoid wasting time on unproductive search methods, advice on how to prepare for an upcoming reunion, what the best keywords to use are, and many, many other additional benefits.

Social media is great, but don’t stop there! Another method of using newer technologies to search for your birth parents is through the use of DNA registries. Wow, is there a lot of information out there about this. (It almost warrants its own article, but we’ll try to keep this brief.)

DNA Registries 

DNA registries can be a powerful source of information for those seeking their birth parents. Consider the case of Sally Armstrong of Dallas, Texas, featured in a recent article by Samantha Melamed in The Philadelphia Inquirer. She signed up to get a DNA test through the popular 23AndMe service, which includes an optional “DNA Relative” function. Armstrong enabled that function, even though search and reunion wasn’t the main reason she signed up for the DNA test. When she got her results back, she was notified of several fourth and fifth cousins and then, was matched with a half-sister. From there, she went on to discover that she had not one but four half-siblings, all of whom live in Philadelphia! Here’s the full story of the reunion. 23AndMe told The Inquirer that “95 percent of people who enable the DNA Relative function, which mines data on users’ chromosomes to spit out matches, find a family member who is a third cousin or closer.”

Having said this, keep in mind that DNA technology is still relatively new in terms of identifying family members and aiding in adoption searches. This technology is very much still emerging, changing, and growing. So, there are still limitations—big ones—such as the fact that your biological family members must also have had their DNA tested by the same service (and thus, residing in the same DNA database) in order for the two of you to be identified as sharing the same genetic material (i.e., being “blood relatives”). DNA testing is very popular right now, and it stands to become only more so. This means that more people will have their DNA results stored in the databases, and thus, searchers will be reaching even more people as the popularity of this service continues to grow and as the databases continue to become more populated.

So, armed with only a DOB, can an adoptee get any mileage on using DNA registries to find birth parents? Let’s consider this in the context of an actual example.

One adoptee wrote to the Huffington Post blog the following question: “I am adopted and have NO clues about my birth except a sort of ‘fake’ birth certificate from when I was born in Texas. No family name. No known blood relatives. Would the DNA test be a good option for me anyway? What will I learn about my family from taking a DNA test?”

The question was answered by Henry Louis Gates, Jr., Director of the Hutchins Center for African and African-American Research at Harvard University, and by Jake Byrnes, Genomics Technical Manager for Ancestry DNA. They responded as follows: “The short answer to your first question is ‘yes, absolutely:’ An adopted person can—sometimes—be fortunate enough to find the identity of their biological mother and father through one of the major commercial DNA tests available today. And the answer to your second question is ‘quite a lot’.”

Check out their article, “Can DNA Help You Find Your Birth parents? Part I” on the Huffington Post blog. There’s also a Part II of this article, in which the authors share a story of how two men discovered they were half-brothers through an Ancestry.com DNA test.

A useful website to check out is DNAAdoption.com. The very first line of the website might strike your fancy: “You’ve done a DNA test. Now what? We can help.” Are they talking to you or what?!? Their mission is to “teach and guide people searching for their biological roots to use DNA in combination with traditional genealogy search techniques and, when applicable, specialized adoption search techniques, by providing robust education, methods, guidance, and support.” It’s a site worth surfing to, and it has courses, resources, links, and a whole section titled “For Adoptees.”

A common recommendation for DNA testing, especially in the case of searching for birth parents, is to use multiple DNA testing services (not just one). Another piece of advice is to not rely ONLY on these newer methods of searching (e.g., social media, DNA tests) but also to engage in the more traditional methods of searching. Gates and Byrnes suggest a whole list of steps that searchers can start working through as they await the DNA test results—these steps will ensure that the searchers “cast the widest possible net for gathering information of all sorts—both through records and through genetics—about their birth parents and relatives. To prepare this list, Professor Gates consulted with a leading genetic genealogist, CeCe Moore, who specializes in the use of DNA to help adoptees find their biological relatives.” These steps are listed in Part I of their article.

In Part II of their article, Gates and Byrnes encourage adoptees to use DNA testing as a reliable method of finding their birth parents. “DNA testing can sometimes provide truly miraculous results for adoptees wishing to pursue information about their birth parents.” They affirm that “Consumer genetics tests provide an incredible genealogy entry-point for adoptees. Most tests on the market today provide two key results. The first is an estimate of where in the world your ancestors likely lived 10 to 20 generations in the past. . . . The second result is a list of individuals with whom you share long stretches of identical DNA. Your list of genetic matches constitutes the seat of all your biological relatives who have also taken the same test.”

So, with your DOB in hand, get ready to start searching. Good luck!

The post Can I Search for My Birth Parents by My Birthdate Only? appeared first on Adoptee Search | Records, Birthdate, Birth Parents, Birth Mother.

Here are some top ways to find your birth parents from easy and cheap to hard and expensive:

1. Social Media- Do you have a name? Search for it. I tried this. I have, embarrassingly, as a grown-up woman asked two men through messenger if they were my father. They said no, but they wished me the best of luck. Gah!

I’m sure you’ve seen these on your social media feed: a picture of a full-grown man or woman holding a sign written with a sharpie (it seems so archaic, honestly): “Seeking my bio-mom/dad/sister… Born on such and such, in such and such place….” I click “share” because I support them. I just don’t really want to be them. That’s too vulnerable a position for me.

2. Adoption Registries- Adoption registries work if two people are looking for each other and have a few bits of information to go on.

• Adoption.com not only is the #1 registry, but it hosts a myriad of other links to helpful information throughout your search process. If the registry itself doesn’t work for you, the site offers links to walk you through some of the other alternatives. Adoption.com holds 476,296 adoption records and registering for an account is free with an option to upgrade the account for $9.95 for a whole year. 

I’ve tried another option but I canceled after they gave me paid matches that didn’t even match what I was looking for. There are other options out there for registries. So don’t be afraid to explore your options to find the best place for yourself.

3. DNA Registries- Companies like Ancestry DNA, FamilyTree DNA, and 23andMe will collect and analyze your DNA. This can cost between $59-$200. FamilyTree DNA also offers a discounted price for adoptees. I tried 23andMe. I was happy to get my results and discover my ethnicity (plus a nice bit of other very helpful medical information, etc), but my “matches” have been fruitless so far in connecting with another human relative that is meaningful. My biological dad’s side of the family is not the type to send off their soggy saliva to the fine institution of 23andMe. I do like the “exact” nature of this resource. There would be very little room for conjecture or to make a mistake here. I’m glad I did it.

4. Go through the Court System- I did find a helpful website where you can enter information about your birth and learn about your rights to access documents related to your biological parents. The link is HERE. For myself, of course, I discovered that the records are sealed. If your records are accessible, follow the steps to retrieve them! Filing a petition doesn’t require a lawyer, but you may have more success if you do that.

5. Hire a Private Investigator or an Adoption Detective- A private investigator will have experience and resources that you may not have, but it may be costly. A good PI will have access to law-enforcement grade databases and will be able to dig up more than you could through regular public resources. Of course this could be costly. And, of course, the PI will also remain within the law. If records are sealed, a PI would not be allowed to have access either. But, a PI could walk you through the steps of filing a court petition, which may lend results, but may not. I haven’t taken this step personally because my situation isn’t urgent to me.

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Before you even get on a registry, however, you need to obtain your original birth certificate from the state from which you were born. Why? This information is critical to using a reunion registry. If you can get your original birth certificate, you will also want to get a non-state identification from that state. This can contain information that might help define your search. If you are refused your original birth certificate, you can get non-identifying information about your adoption. Once you have obtained these things, you will need to get registered. You will want to register on several because some are not very successful. When you get on the registry, you will do a search with the information you have. Enter as much information as you have on the person you are looking for. You will probably get several results. Scroll through the results to determine a match. You can then use that to contact the person to see if it is actually a match. 

One thing to keep in mind when using a reunion registry is that you need to keep your profile updated as much as possible so that if someone were to contact you regarding a match, they would have the correct information to contact you. There are many registries out there, and they are all different in how to use them. These are general steps to take when using a reunion registry, but it is always a good idea to do your research and double-check your work.

I wish you the best in your search!

Sources: http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption/searches/

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Reunion Registry Defined

The term reunion registry means, essentially, a vehicle that enables birth parents and adoptees to meet for the first time since the child’s birth. In the case of adoptees seeking information about birth families, those adoptees must be of adult age (at least age 18) before they can be given any identifying information about their birth family.

A reunion registry is facilitated by many types of organizations: nonprofits, private businesses, foundations, social service organizations, and government agencies. Such registries are available only in those countries that still practice closed adoption (a process in which the full identities of adoptive families, birth children, and birth parents are not provided to one another)—or once practiced it, even though they practice it no more.

Reunion registries run by private businesses—typically managed by actual members of the adoption community—are known (anecdotally) to be more successful than government-run programs. More marketing and public awareness campaigns are done about these private reunion registries, which of course increases the odds of success. However well-run a government reunion registry might be, if it’s not advertised and word is not gotten out about its existence, applicants will be few and far between. The most successful of such privately run reunion registries is the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR), discussed in greater detail below.

Some reunion registries are what is known as “passive” registries—that is, both sides of a family need to be registered in order for contact to occur.

Laws Dictating the Release of Information

Laws about information release vary from country to country. In the United States, the laws vary from state to state regarding whether information can actually be released to applicants (be they adoptees or birth families). Some states have an adoption registry—this means that both the birth parent and the adopted adult must be registered with this registry in order for the two parties to find one another through this resource. Other states do not have official state adoption registries but do provide information upon request (for example, if an adopted adult asks for information on his or her birth family, the state will then reach out to that family and ask for consent for a reunion). When both parties agree to a reunion, that’s known as mutual consent.

All provinces in Canada have some type of reunion registry. But it varies, province to province. In British Columbia, Newfoundland, and Ontario, adult adoptees can access their own birth records and adoption paperwork as long as a disclosure veto has not been filed. The remaining provinces are much more limited in terms of what information they allow applicants to obtain. 

In the United Kingdom, adoption law now permits open adoptions. All individuals have the right to access their own records, and a state-run reunion registry now exists.

What Is Mutual Consent?

Mutual consent may or may not be required by a registry. It varies depending on the registry and, in some cases, state law. Some reunion registries function only on the condition of mutual consent by both parties—the registry works to find matches based solely on information provided by the applicants themselves (and, by “applicants” we mean both parties). In the case of reunion registries run by government agencies, mutual consent is not needed because the agency already has the original documents (for example, an adopted adult is seeking her birth mother; she reaches out to a government agency, who has access to the original birth records).

Costs

The costs to join such registries vary. Some are free, such as the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR). Some charge fees that will then enable you to become official active members, search their site, and register with identifying information that allows others to get in touch with you and vice versa. I recommend starting with the free ones first. In the case of reunion registries, just because it carries a cost doesn’t mean it’s a higher quality search service than the free ones. Start with the free ones.

ISSR: The Largest Free Registry

Per their website, “ISSR is the oldest free mutual consent reunion registry, and the largest of its kind. Since it began in 1975, we always recommend that everyone seeking family cover ALL their bases and register anywhere that the party they seek may possibly be registered. It is difficult to know just what someone else may have heard about. So, it is best to do everything you can to let them know you are available for contact.” Check out ISSR on the web.

Other FREE Reunion Registries

Here are some other free reunion registries that can get you started on finding your birth children and/or parents. There’s even a Facebook page dedicated to reuniting birth families!

• Adoption.com’s Adoption Reunion Registry
• Find My Family Adoption Reunion Registry (this one’s unique because it’s actually a Facebook page)
• G’s Adoption Registry
• Georgia Adoption Reunion Registry (a good example of a state reunion registry—and remember, this is just one of many examples)

For More Information . . .

Have you got the bug to start searching? Look no further than the Search and Reunion section of the Adoption.com website. On this site, you might want to start with the Search and Reunion Guide—a tour through the basic steps of finding your biological relatives. From there, you can move on to more specific actions. Sign up to be part of the site’s free reunion registry. Jump into a reunion forum discussion, and connect with people in a similar situation. Read articles on search and reunion. You can even get a referral to a qualified adoption detective, who will do the work for you and help you find answers to those lifelong questions. Read stories of search and reunion by downloading Reunited: 19 Stories of Search and Reunion, an eBook filled with inspiring stories and motivation to keep going.

For adult adoptees and birth parents alike, when reunion is sought, in many cases reunion registries really do provide answers. Good luck!

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In Missouri, you will need to complete an application online called an Application for Non-Certified Copy of an Original Birth Certificate form and pay a non-refundable $15 fee. Once you have completed this application, you will need to wait approximately six weeks from the time you submit your application to receive your original birth certificate.

This is different in other states because policies for obtaining your adoption records vary from state to state. For information on the policies in your state, go to the county clerk’s office in the county where you were born. Ask them about the policies for obtaining your adoption records.

Once you have completed this step, you will then need to fill out a petition form and give it to the county court to review. The county court will review your petition, and then they will set a court date in which you will meet with a judge to whom you will explain the reasons why you need your adoption records. The judge will either grant or deny you access depending on your reasons. In most cases, your reason must be related to an emergency or for medical reasons. You will not be granted access for personal reasons. Once you are granted access, you can view your records.

In summary, access to adoption records varies from state to state. You must go to county clerk office in the county where you were born. From there, you will fill out a petition form to give to the county court for review. Once they have reviewed it, you will meet with a judge who will either grant or deny you access depending on the reason you give for needing to obtain your records. For more information, go to this website. You can also use this resource to find out how to get your original birth certificate in your state.

If you’re in the midst of trying to find your adoption papers, you may also want to check out this online course about adoption reunions. You’ll learn from adoption experts that will guide you through an adoption reunion.

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DNA testing was first developed in 1985 by Dr. Alec Jeffreys. Originally it was used strictly in forensic science but today it is available to anyone with a desire to know more about their genetic makeup. Thanks to sites like AncestryDNA, Family Tree DNA, 23andMe, and MyHeritage for less than $100 and a swab of saliva it’s possible to map your family tree through multiple generations and even to find unknown living relatives.

So how does it work? Essentially there are three different DNA tests available. Y-DNA, Mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA) and autosomal DNA. Y-DNA testing is used to determine the paternal line and mtDNA testing can identify a direct maternal line. Y-DNA and mtDNA testing cannot determine an ethnic group but they can be used to establish a haplogroup (a common ancestor or patriline/matriline). 

For genetic ancestry testing, autosomal DNA can prove the most useful. Human beings have 23 pairs of autosomes (which are in addition to the sex chromosomes, X and Y). Each person inherits exactly 50% of their father’s autosomes and 50% of their mother’s autosomes. Therefore, each person also contains 25% of their grandparents’ autosomes and 12.5% of any first cousin. As you go further and further up the genealogical tree the percentages decrease with every step. The benefit of testing for autosomal DNA is that it can provide a high level of accuracy of determining everything from parent/child relationships up to a second cousin. Past second cousins, the percentage rate decreases too low to establish anything with certainty without the help of other genealogical aids.

Based on the high accuracy rate of autosome DNA testing, it should be easy to identify your biological family. The trick is there are many tests out there and each test (and testing site) reveals something different. More than 6 million people are estimated to be in some type of genetic genealogy database. The difficulty is there are several of those databases to choose from. AncestryDNA boasts the most members, but there is no guarantee that the relative you’re searching for chose that site to be tested. Additionally, the very essence of DNA testing relies on some member of your family (mother, grandfather, first cousin, etc.) having been tested at some point by someone.

The best way to get started is to choose a site and take an autosomal DNA test. From there start with your closest DNA match (even if it’s just a second cousin with a 6.25% match) and begin to build your family tree based on commonalities. Remember, genetic ancestry DNA testing does have its limitations. While it can provide a clue to biological family members, it cannot provide information on family diseases or medical conditions.

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We met at an outlet store and I learned my history. By walking into and opening Pandora’s Box, we made a lot of my biological family angry. They wanted this chapter of their life closed and tucked away. But I’ve learned that you can’t hide truth in a box under the bed. It will escape. These are some of the other things I’ve learned in my adoption journey.

1. The reunion you imagine and the one you actually get are two different things.

I had amazing dreams of my biological family. We would all embrace and have this amazing connection. Truthfully, we met at a food court and I heard the sad story about my birth. I don’t think the rest of the family knew we were even meeting. It felt strange for me to look at the faces of people who looked just like me. Sometimes dreams and reality just don’t match up.

2. Not everyone is going to be happy that you are found.

To say that my biological mom was angry is the understatement of the year. The rest of the family has had ranges of emotions. I’ve slowly gotten to know quite a few, but it’s taken time and patience. Rejection hurts, but you can’t make people like you.

3. Having people who understand what you are going through helps.

My husband is awesome, but it also helps to talk with other adoptees that have been through this. It helps to know that I can call up my friends and vent. They provide a willing ear and a shoulder to cry on when needed.

4. Biological relationships take time to nurture and grow.

I had kidded myself that things would just blossom, but like every other relationship, it takes time. My biological family was hurting from the circumstances of my birth and many were cautious. I moved slowly so I didn’t overwhelm them. I also tried not to force myself on members who weren’t interested. It’s taken time and effort, but the reward of knowing many of them has been worth it.

5. At the end of the day I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

I’m a firm believer that we are all placed where we are for a reason. My adoptive family is my rock. They encouraged my quest and supported me. I know who my family is, and I’m proud to be their daughter.

At the end of the day I’m glad that I was found. I’ve grown and now have even more family to love and care about. This journey has been bumpy, yet amazing and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

The post Adoption Reunions And The 5 Things I’ve Learned appeared first on Adoptee Search | Records, Birthdate, Birth Parents, Birth Mother.

As an adoptee, let me just tell you one thing, these feelings and questions are all normal. I can pretty much guarantee that all adoptees go through them at the end of their search. And trust me, I’ve talked to many birth parents and they are wondering and feeling the same things that you’re feeling. 

As an adoptee, you might think that because you were placed for adoption, that now because you found your birth family, they will want you now. And that’s pretty darn likely, but sadly, it’s not always the case. Every reunion will be different. You can only prepare yourself for what will happen. But don’t let it stop you from reaching out. This is your journey.

It’s so important to surround yourself with those that love you before you meet your birth parents. My biggest supporters were my mom, my sister (who was also adopted), my husband, and my kids. They were the ones who kept me from thinking negative thoughts. They were always encouraging positive feelings. Which was particularly helpful when things were hard.

Let me just tell you now, don’t think negatively. Don’t put those thoughts in your head because it will only make you have doubts on your journey. So stay positive, and keep the faith up. Tell yourself that you are enough no matter what happens. Stay true to yourself, and they will love you!

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